Resiliency: Reconnecting With the Parts of Life That Help Us Thrive
- Douglas Harper
- Mar 15
- 5 min read
When we think about resiliency, we often reflect on everything we have been through and how we managed to arrive in the present moment. Many people think of resiliency as simply “pushing through” hardship. While perseverance is certainly part of it, resiliency is much more than enduring difficulty. Resiliency is built through the protective factors in our lives that help stabilize our mental health and emotional well-being.
Protective factors act as buffers against mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and chronic stress. They support our ability to regulate emotions and maintain balance when life becomes overwhelming. In the context of addiction recovery, these protective factors are even more critical. They help individuals navigate cravings, reduce the risk of relapse, and regulate intense emotions and body sensations that can often trigger substance use.
When fear or anxiety becomes overwhelming, the natural response is often avoidance. We want the discomfort to stop as quickly as possible. For someone struggling with addiction or mental health challenges, this desire to escape intense emotions can become powerful and consuming. Resiliency helps counteract this process. When we build resilience, we strengthen our ability to tolerate discomfort, process emotions, and move through difficult moments without becoming overwhelmed by them.
But resiliency is not built through sheer willpower alone. It grows from connection, joy, meaning, and engagement with life.
How We Gradually Lose the Habits That Build Resiliency
As we move through adulthood, many of the activities that once nurtured our resilience begin to fade away. Responsibilities grow. Careers demand more of our time. Financial pressures increase. Families require attention and care. Slowly, without even realizing it, the parts of life that once brought us joy and energy begin to disappear.
Maintaining friendships becomes harder as schedules become full. Finding new relationships becomes more difficult as social circles shrink. We stop going on dates with our partners. Adventures and experiences that once created memories are postponed indefinitely.
Over time, hobbies and leisure activities fall away as well. Many people stop going to the gym, playing sports, or exercising regularly. Musical instruments sit untouched. Hiking trips, camping weekends, and creative outlets quietly fade into the background. Some people who once participated in choirs, theater, or bands eventually stop engaging in those communities altogether.
Little by little, life becomes more structured around obligation than enjoyment.
To the mind, this often feels necessary. We convince ourselves that these changes are simply part of adulthood. We tell ourselves that hobbies are too expensive, too time-consuming, or no longer a priority. The things that once brought us joy are placed on a mental “back burner” that we promise to return to later.
We might tell ourselves:
“Once I get that raise.”
“Once I pay off this bill.”
“Once life settles down.”
“Then I’ll get back to doing the things I love.”
The challenge is that life rarely slows down. Responsibilities continue. Stressors change shape, but they rarely disappear. We continue “adulting,” often dealing with one challenge after another.
Without realizing it, we may slowly drift away from the activities that helped regulate our emotions and recharge our energy. Over time, our lives can begin to feel like a shell of what they once were.
Eventually, many people find themselves overwhelmed, stressed, or emotionally depleted, wondering how they arrived at this point in the first place.
Returning to the Basics of Emotional Balance
Part of building resiliency involves returning to the foundational elements that bring balance and enjoyment to our lives. Human beings need more than financial stability and a place to live. We need connection, creativity, movement, exploration, and play.
Nurturing ourselves goes beyond meeting basic responsibilities. It includes nurturing friendships, relationships, and meaningful experiences. It means creating new memories and sharing energy with others.
These experiences help regulate our nervous system, reduce stress, and improve emotional well-being. They allow us to experience joy, hope, and connection. When we engage in meaningful activities, we often rediscover purpose and meaning in the hard work we put into our careers and responsibilities. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by obligations, we begin to see them as part of a fuller and more balanced life.
Without these outlets, however, people can begin to feel resentment, frustration, and emotional fatigue. Life can start to feel like a constant cycle of responsibility without renewal.
A Question Worth Asking
When working with individuals, I often ask a simple question:
“What do you like to do for fun?”
Many people can answer this question quickly. They describe hobbies, passions, and activities they once enjoyed. But as they talk, it becomes clear that they are speaking in the past tense.
“I used to play guitar.”
“I used to go hiking.”
“I used to paint.”
“I used to play basketball.”
The activity still exists in their memory, but it is no longer part of their current life.
So the next question becomes even more important:
What is one healthy activity you used to enjoy that you could do again within the next week?
Not someday. Not when life becomes perfect. Within the next week.
A Simple Exercise to Rebuild Resiliency
Reconnecting with meaningful activities can be a powerful step toward building resilience again. One small exercise can help reinforce this process:
Choose one healthy activity you used to enjoy. It might be walking, playing music, exercising, cooking, painting, hiking, or spending time with friends.
Make a plan to do it within the next week. Schedule it just like you would an important appointment.
Check in with yourself beforehand. Before engaging in the activity, rate how you are feeling on a scale from 1–10 in areas such as:
Depression
Anxiety
Stress
Anger or frustration
Engage fully in the activity. Give yourself permission to enjoy the moment.
Check in again afterward. Notice any changes in mood, tension, or energy.
Many people are surprised by how much a single activity can shift their emotional state. These experiences help reinforce an important truth: reconnecting with meaningful parts of life can have a powerful impact on our mental health.
Small Changes Create Stronger Resilience
Resiliency is not built through dramatic life overhauls. It grows through small, consistent actions that reconnect us with joy, purpose, and meaning.
When we prioritize activities that nurture our identity and emotional well-being, we strengthen our ability to navigate stress, regulate emotions, and cope with life’s challenges. These experiences become protective factors that support both mental health and addiction recovery.
Life will always contain responsibilities, stress, and uncertainty. But resiliency grows when we refuse to abandon the parts of life that help us feel alive.
Sometimes the first step is simply remembering what once brought us joy—and giving ourselves permission to bring it back into our lives again.